Monday, April 9, 2012

Am I wrong? A single mother's questions.

I was going to save this for when he isn't grieving, but I am so angry right now, that I must get some things off my chest.

First, what gives a parent a right to seek child support? My ex husband thinks I am not entitled to child support because we share custody. Well, sort of share. I have Reid Monday night through Thursday night except when Chris has something better to do. Since February 2 Chris has not gotten his son for one reason or another on 4 separate occasions. Twice it was for drill, except for the fact one of those drills he did not attend. I should say that the weekend he didn't attend drill as scheduled, he got his son and immediately took him to a friend's house where he spent the whole weekend, and Chris was at home. I also got medicaid on him so he would have health coverage. I don't have a full time job and am doing the best I can with him. He buys shoes twice a year. Otherwise it falls on me to do most everything. Chris has gotten him to school late repeatedly (every Monday in January). But insists Reid is getting his education. When I call him on the tardiness, he argues that he is so far away. He is the one who set this schedule.

Second, he is now bragging that he made president's list at school. Well wtf else does he have to do? He doesn't have Reid on school nights, doesn't have a job and lives at mommy's house. I realize I too live with mom, but I at least have a desire to move. I can't right now. Most of that is because he never helps with stuff for Reid. I made dean's list while he was deployed. I worked full time, went to school and took care of our son full time. He was cheating on me and getting hurt playing soccer. Does he want a cookie for not having a job, kid, or other things to worry about and being able to study?

When he moved out he was still coming over 2 nights a week to watch Reid while I worked, using my power, water, internet, and watching my television. I was still paying his phone bill because it was attached to mine. He was paying the directv because it was automatic draft. BTW that was 118 a month when he moved his phone lines off my bill it dropped 125 a month, so the way I see it he was getting $7 a month plus eating my food, etc. I kept Reid every night until May when I first asked for child support. Then he suddenly had an interest in keeping him more than just the nights Tyler was there.

In a year's time he paid me a whopping $200 for things for Reid. Since this go 'round with child support he has begun paying me half of the expenses I have had for Reid such as clothing, scouts, baseball, glasses, etc. Great parenting.

Reid is 9 and has been up all night (til 730 am), til 1am on school nights, not fed by 3pm, slept til almost 430 once, all since being with his dad. Break out parent of the year award!

Am I wrong to ask for a little help? I have Reid at school on time, take him to doctor's appointments, baseball practice, scouts, and a host of other parental activities. He might show up at baseball if it doesn't interfere with his schedule. No, I don't need a pat on the back, I just want to say I am a parent I act as such. I get called out for not coming to Reid's practices when they are on Chris' "time". Who would want to be within 100 yards of him if it isn't necessary.

He is grieving right now because of the loss of his grandmother, but does this give him the right to behave this way? I really don't think so. He is now coming down on me for wanting to support my son and come to the funeral. My son needs support, I am the parent he typically relies on for support. He knows his dad is more of a friend than a parent. The funny thing is when Chris blows him off to drink, go to the movies, or pretend he has drill, Reid doesn't care as long as it isn't a Tyler weekend.

When I make plans for the weekend and Chris changes and wants Reid to stay I get accused of not wanting him with me if I have plans. I am usually able to add Reid to plans, but Chris thinks I am saying I don't want Reid there. Nope, I am just saying I cannot go on Chris' schedule.

Am I wrong for the way I feel? Am I wrong for not stopping Child Support Enforcement from seeking child support for me? Are these the actions of a good father? Constructive responses welcome. No name calling (me or him) please.


  1. You don't wanna do this, Marie. You don't want the entire story aired out here on facebook.