I have been struggling with what it means to be me lately. I do not like most of what I see. So, in the words of the poster in the youth room growing up Baby Philosophy: If something stinks, change it. I don't know why I remember that poster so clearly, but I do. I don't like the direction my career is going, I mean I like my position currently, but it is only a few hours a week. I need more.
I don't like my physical appearance, so it is time to change that too. I don't have as much issue with what or how much I eat, it is the lack of activity. I am going to begin exercising more and getting out and being more active.
Failing at goals always seems to haunt me, so I am going to chunk the goals into manageable pieces. For instance, I want to lose 60 pounds. That WILL NOT happen overnight. I am going to break that down into the fact that by June 1st my goal is 20 pounds. I will reset the goal once June 1st hits to incorporate the next 20, or if it is too much to expect 20 by June 1st it may be that my next goal is only 15 pounds.
Another goal of mine is to deal with the scars a little better. Internal scars are the worst. Only you know they are there and trying to articulate what they are is almost impossible. People may know what has caused the emotional scars, but to truly understand the effects, I think is impossible. The scars are there for a reason and I want them to eventually be reminders of where I never want to be again, but I want the pain to be lessened.
I don't know where I am headed, but I can't continue to stay still. I don't like who I am, and I know that isn't good. So here is a list of my current goals followed by a soundtrack for the post!
1. Have a better relationship with God.
2. Weed out those who only bring me down.
3. Have a better self-image
4. Further my education.
5. Lose weight to better achieve #3.
6. Listen to those who love me and understand that no matter what I do some will not.
7. Be more active (even if it isn't weight loss related, just do more!)
And now for the playlist (it's short):
And a bonus video of a song I cannot get out of my head: